Question 1

What exactly do you provide?

Accepted Answer

We provide Morris — properly polished, faintly disreputable, and ready to be implicated in whatever story you are telling.

He functions beautifully as a co-star, backdrop, conversation starter, and, in some cases, the reason the event is remembered at all.

Question 2

Does Morris come with a photographer?

Accepted Answer

Not officially. Morris inspires photographs in the way certain evenings inspire poor decisions — inevitably, and with someone else to blame.

Anyone may book the motorcar. You need only bring your chosen photographer; we work beautifully with professionals, romantics, and the occasionally overwhelmed.

Evidence, after all, prefers a witness.

Question 3

Is Morris merely a prop?

Accepted Answer

Certainly not. He is a participant of questionable influence.

Props are forgotten. Morris is discussed afterward, sometimes at length, and not always in entirely innocent terms.

Question 4

Do you allow the hoi polloi to drive the car?

Accepted Answer

Alas, no. To drive is a common labor; to be driven is a fine art. Morris comes with a chauffeur who is expertly practiced in the art of looking dignified while navigating roundabouts.

Question 5

What happens if the weather decides to be... British?

Accepted Answer

We believe rain is merely nature's way of adding a melancholic filter to your photographs. However, should the heavens truly open, we are happy to discuss rescheduling. A damp Morris is a tragedy, and we prefer comedies.

Question 6

Can we bring our own props for the shoot?

Accepted Answer

You may bring anything from a silk parasol to a prize-winning greyhound, provided it doesn't scratch the paintwork. We only ask that your props be as well-behaved as your ambitions.

Question 7

Is there a limit to how many people can fit inside?

Accepted Answer

A Morris Minor is like a good conversation: it is best shared between two, becomes crowded with three, and is an absolute riot with four. Any more than that, and one ceases to be a passenger and becomes a sardine.

Question 8

What if I need the car for longer than the package allows?

Accepted Answer

Time is a waste of money, but money is never a waste of time. We are always open to bribery—or as we call it, 'overtime fees'—should the muse strike you for an extra hour or two.

Question 9

Do you travel outside of our immediate vicinity?

Accepted Answer

We are willing to travel for beauty, though the car prefers a paved road to a goat path. Distances beyond our usual orbit will incur a modest 'Wanderer's Fee' to cover the cost of petrol and the chauffeur's patience.

Question 10

How does one settle the bill?

Accepted Answer

We find that discussing money is so dreadfully common, yet we acknowledge it is a necessary evil if we are to keep the Morris in the style to which he is accustomed.

Once you have submitted your Petitioner's Form and we have confirmed that your chosen date is available (and that your intentions are sufficiently interesting), we shall send you a formal confirmation and a discreet payment link. Simply click, settle, and return to your daydreaming.

Matters of Consequence

The Final Word